Season's Beatings 2021

Recently, we had to keep two dogs locked inside of our home for about nine hours.  While I wasn’t so naïve as to believe that the two canines were going to be content to “hold it” for that entire time, I wasn’t expecting to find our front entryway looking like a subway station from 1989.  Fortunately, we had chosen to appoint our home with flooring that is both more attractive than pockmarked concrete and cleans up far more nicely.  Nevertheless, while a hazmat team wasn’t necessary, it took more than a few minutes to clean up . . . and that may be how you view this year’s holiday letter from the Greenes: a mess you expect to encounter that takes you more time to get through than you would care to devote.  We get it. 

With a new year, Sam began a new chapter in his life: college.  While still in the throes of the pandemic as the year began, his initial college experience was less than ideal.  He didn’t expect anything on the scale of “Animal House,” but he wasn’t quite prepared for “Watching Paint Dry” either.  Nevertheless, he was able to land himself a job right out of the gate that is far better than what Erin (grounds crew where she got a stick with a nail on the end of it to pick up trash) and I (cleaning student apartments once the tenants had moved out and clearly had no expectation of getting a dime of their security deposit back) had back in the day: working for the school’s IT department – so there might be some shades of “Revenge of the Nerds” involved here. 

Remember how I mentioned TWO dogs in the opening of this year’s missive?  No, Lola didn’t get pregnant and give birth to another dog – that would definitely be immaculate conception.  Jack moved back to Arizona from Utah for a better career opportunity (still an electrician and loving it), and he’s been living with us since so he can save money to buy a house . . . and, no, I’m not calling Jack a dog.  With Jack’s arrival came Hank, a lab mix that, I’m sure, finds Erin and me the two most boring people in the world.  All we do all day while Jack’s at work is sit at our computers in the office and talk on the phone.  No fetch, no walks.  To him this place is a tomb – he’d be better off finding a nut house where it’s fun. (If you got that reference, you’re our kind of people!)

It’s not been a good year for Lola, if I’m being honest.  First, she gets her entire life turned upside down with the introduction of Hank into her world – his exuberance to play, run, chase, and smell butts is not shared by Lola.  Then, in early fall, she developed some health problems that are likely to spell the end for her at some point in the not-too-distant future, which is a little hard to accept given the fact she never took up smoking, and alcohol has never been a drink of choice for her.  Be that as it may, we’re just trying to keep her comfortable – and if we ever make a movie about her life, I’m thinking Salma Hayek would be the perfect person to do the voice for Lola.  Let me know if you have a connection.

Back in May, Erin walked away from the school to work full time as a real estate agent.  Some of you might be wondering what it’s like having both of us working from home and sharing the same office.  While I don’t possess sufficient talent to describe this perfect mix of Nirvana and Utopia, suffice it to say the spell is broken for both of us when Lola’s licking gets a little too intense and loud to be ignored – it’s like she insists on an audience. After being the fearless leader of the local women’s organization at church, she’s been able to fade a bit into the background and help out in other ways with her main focus on teaching a lesson once a month.  As for myself, I’ve been asked to work in the local men’s organization at church as the secretary.  My latest focus has been on toning my calf muscles so they look really good when I wear those short skirts. 

With that lovely image, I leave you.  May your holidays be happy and warm – it’ll likely be in the mid 60s here in Arizona when Christmas rolls around!  Our door is always open to you – stop by and stay a while with us.  It’ll give Lola someone new to impress with her licking.