Sitting around the Thanksgiving table with Erin’s in-laws, we were having a lovely chat with one another, and I inquired after the latest comings and goings of a particular relative. As my father was lifting a modest forkful of stuffing to his mouth, he casually provided, “She’s oiling animals at the local zoo.” Here’s where you’re going to get a little insight into the Greene family: upon hearing that, none of us at the table thought this was incorrect or fallible intel; rather, we all fell to trying to picture in our heads what “oiling animals” meant. And just as I was formulating a picture in my mind of an elephant on a pneumatic lift with my relative standing underneath, my mom added this point of clarification: “She’s bathing snakes and oiling lizards.” Well, the elephant and the pneumatic lift were out with that little nugget, and our dinner conversation didn’t miss a beat. Just like our lack of surprise or shock regarding that Thanksgiving revelation, you’ll read through this annual missive and not think twice about how weird we are, and I’m not quite sure if that says more about you than us.
At the beginning of this year, Sam was living and working down in Viña Del Mar, Chile, as a missionary for our church before the ‘Rona hit. In March, he and the entire gaggle of North American missionaries were flown back to the states to await reassignment, which came in April: Dallas, Texas. Odd coincidence here: if you stood the Chilean flag next to the Texan flag, most people wouldn’t be able to tell you which was which. Something tells me a lot more thought went into Sam’s reassignment location besides the flags’ similarities, but there you have it. Because of quarantine, he was able to familiarize himself quite intimately with the inside of his apartment in the Dallas area, so if you know anyone who’s looking to relocate to the DFW Metroplex, Sam is uniquely qualified to tell them all about the pros and cons of his apartment’s interior. Sam completed his mission in November and is currently preparing to start his freshman year in college in January.
In early August, Jack packed up his life and moved to Utah to start an apprenticeship to become an electrician. Yes, this is the same kid who would initiate a Harry Potter war by standing twenty paces apart from another person while both are holding Roman candles and firing them at one another – and now he’s being entrusted to wire up a 4 bed/2 bath single-family residence to ensure they have sufficient electricity being supplied safely to all corners of the home. When Jack loaded up his truck for the move, he had one bag lightly packed with his clothes, a pillow, a blanket, and enough guns and ammo to supply a mid-sized militia. Since he didn’t report an ambush in his journey up to Utah, I trust he still has his second-amendment-protected stockpile at the ready – in fact, I believe it has grown. If you’re in the Provo area, give him a call – he’d love to take you out into the woods and stalk something.
Amid the quarantine, Erin decided to get her real estate license. All of her classes had to take place online via Zoom, and she came away from that experience with a burning question: were some of her classmates possessed of an overly high level of self-confidence, unaware that they could be seen by everyone else, or did they just not own a mirror? Undaunted, Erin passed the test on her first try, and I’m happy to report that she has already sold two houses and has other items in the works – she’ll soon be selling so much real estate that I can retire from the mortgage business and pursue my true passion: pet grooming. Lola, our dog, is going to look awesome with a Mohawk.
Without a doubt, it’s been a weird year, and this report from the Greenes probably adequately punctuates that truth. Many years ago, a friend of ours in southern California said, “Promise me, Grant, that you’ll write one of these every year, and you’ll always send me a copy.” I don’t share that with you to pat myself on the back but to let you know there’s someone else to blame for all this. If you want, I’ll give you his name and address. In the meantime, be safe, be strong, and be well, folks!
