Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Half Baked

I read an article recently that stated that homosexual men and heterosexual women responded similarly to male-hormone-related odors. (I’ve been in my share of locker rooms, and I must say the odors emanating from within would cause identical reaction from any gender, preference, or even species – dry heaves.) At any rate, apparently the study involved "manufacturing" odors that mimicked male perspiration and female urine. (As a side note: can you just imagine the pride of the parents of these scientists? "Big deal, Martha. Your son may be a Supreme Court Justice, but my daughter can create substances to smell just like urine. Top that!") For some reason, there are many in the world who believe that the "discovery" that homosexual men and heterosexual women responded similarly is earth shattering. My reaction was more along the lines of "No duh". Perhaps these same scientists can conduct studies to determine if dogs bark or if Las Vegas casinos have better odds than the individual gambler.

I use that segue to ask the following question: Have the people of Arizona lost their minds? It’s now May, and the weather is getting very hot – it goes along with the whole dogs barking and casinos’ odds reasoning. However, each and every local newscast has the "meteorologist" looking to the anchors with a pained look on her/his face and saying something along the lines of "Well, Hal, it looks like it’s going to be another hot one today. And I’m not really sure when this ‘heat wave’ will end." How about October, folks?

And to add stupidity to moronics, we are now having "Heat Advisories" in Phoenix. There’s a reason it’s called the Valley of the Sun – we live in the same neighborhood as the bright yellow orb. At each Port of Entry on the Arizona borders, the officers should administer an IQ test. If the individual wishing to enter our fair state doesn’t rate high enough on said test and is too dense to know that you need to drink a lot of water and stay in the shade as much as possible should be forever exiled to Fargo, North Dakota with nothing but a Speedo and flip-flops.

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