While the atrocities of 9/11 will remain a scar on the soul of America that will never fade with time but make us stronger and more resolved, there are things that were instated as a result of that event that have made a large number of people here in the United States . . . absolute morons. I speak of the security checkpoint at the airport.
When these security measures were first instituted, EVERYONE got a free pass: it was new, some of the requirements didn’t make immediate sense, and quite frankly, a lot of people weren’t preparing themselves beforehand by looking things up on the internet before they arrived at the airport - and in the beginning, we all collectively let it slide. However, this September will be 24 years since this all started, and if anything, the restrictions have been either lessened or streamlined. We’re not trying to qualify for the Army Rangers or get through the NFL combines. It’s NOT that hard, kids.
Since it has been 24 years, and air travel has been made cheaper and more attainable than ever before, I’m going out on a limb here and saying that it’s likely that no more than 10% of our population have never flown since 9/11/2001 - we should ALL be able to breeze through TSA without opening our mouths to ask a question or even make eye contact with an “officer” who somehow got his pants to zip up and his shirt to button without popping off and taking out a civilian. Step up, put your laptop in a separate tray, then stick your carry-on bag (which, for many, is large enough to stow a small family from the Philippines) in another bin along with your shoes and belt and the contents of your pockets. For those with metal in their bodies (artificial hip, cast iron bladder, or a piercing in a non-visible area of your body, you’ll step through the metal detector; the rest of us will go into the little tube where we mimic a jumping jack while we get scanned. Simple, right?
Apparently, each time I go to the airport, the line I choose consists almost exclusively of either the 10% who have never traveled or forgot to pack their brains the night before when they were gathering up their luggage. And, honestly, I don’t know which is worse: (1) the person who bitches and moans about the process while they’re loading up the trays with their items as if the TSA agent can or even wants to change the process; or (2) the person who has been instructed ad nauseum by the TSA agents to empty their pockets and remove their belts, and when they pass through the metal detector or the tube thingy, they are absolutely shocked that they are subject to an additional pat down.
If TSA really wanted to streamline the process (and since they’re a government agency, that’s not likely), I would be willing to volunteer for a shift a week for minimum wage to be the “Idiot Whisperer”. Any sign that a person is going to be a hindrance to the flow, I’ll walk up and shunt them over to a designated lane where they can be as stupid, slow, opinionated, and shocked as they wish. The only thing I fear is near the end of my shift, my right hand will be stinging and almost blistered from all the high fives I would be getting from the “smart” passengers.
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